why

Now I understand why the highest level of missing a person is when you call his name on your pray.
It's because you don't have power to tell him directly, so that you ask Allah to keep him safe. He's the one Who has power of everything.


So I pray please keep him safe, and save him just for me like You save me just for him.

HECTIC

yeah welcome back to hectic days put. with the 3 reports and 1 Tugas besar irbang, don't forget about works being assistant of TBB and PGJ, hockey player and being head of department in Civil Study Club. so many things to do yet limited time and capacity. Ya Allah, Give me strength

hope you are doing well.

sometimes when the night comes, I wonder, does your head hurt so much again tonight? I hope no, remember when you told me it was so hurt so much and you cried, you felt like you just want to.... I can't imagine, and I didn't know what should I say, I always wanted to help, but have no idea what I could do but you just kept being nice to me, came to some events "because of me" asked if you could accompany me to hospital when I was sick, you even brought me drug. when I had boyfriend, they never being as care as nice like you, seeing lampoons flied together? it would almost never happen when I was with him.

you are so nice, except about that you shouldn't treat other girl that nice when you already have a girlfriend, dude. but I hope you are well.

-from the person who hates you yet cares

that's not a competition.

yesterday my friend asked me if I already had another.
hmm I had heard that he already fell on another, and I did my own research and that's true. for me, that's not something I have to be angry, I mean 'move on' is not a competition. this makes me remember, there was a time when he told me to grow up, even my first boyfriend also told me that. So guys, maybe this is one of points where I grew up.
maybe he already found, the one that he fell with the right place, time, and person. the difference is I haven't found one, and that's not something to be forced.
well that's a lie, I found one. yet I never run to him, or to be exact I can't, he is just somehow not bound with things so I don't have reasons to talk to him and then he's maybe a person that most people don't even know his existence, they are always like, "he? I don't remember there is someone like that here." once more, it is not a competition, I just somehow realize him, my attention is stolen.
at first I though he would never realize me, then I though he realized me because at some point I (maybe) saw him looked back at me not only once or twice, and another day he was like don't know me, and now I am so confused. but for me seeing him in distance and for some point that (maybe) he looks at me is enough :)

I am not mature enough like you guys, but I am a girl who is learning, who always grows up. I am learning to stop where I have to stop, to put my anger, to make my priority, and not to do the same faults again. this is me, this is it.

let it go~

whenever people tease me about him, now it's like... it's time for you to stop it already, I mean you shouldn't do that. we really have different life right now, let him like another person without even bother about me-his past. Because knowing that info it have made me realize how far we are, as I thought it's better to stop. it was a good thing that I knew that info before I met him, so I could take my self's control today, it is a good thing I don't think or feel anything silly.

so please just look it normal if I post things that included him in it, just look it as normal. 'cause I finally able to do that.

it's years already, it was around this time when we broke up. so just let it go, i already let it go, so please people and things around me also let it go.

don't call his name around me
don't bring up anything that makes me remember him
and you shouldn't show up on my daily life, it's a bit hard to make myself to stop curious about him.

stanger on the same land

Maybe one or two time(s) is not weird. But three times? It's too coincidental... dunno how to say this..  a completely stanger become a friend on the same land (ugm I meant)

those little things

Pfft dunno but he somehow stole my attention. That reckless thing you did in public (.just to get my number), surprised me a lot, seriously. Thinking how crazy it was, and unconsciously I was waiting for the next Saturday.
and so the Saturday came, seeing you with that silly thing but made me smiled everytime I remember yout expression, something like "pfff cute"